I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
