I just threw up on my dentist
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
