I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
