The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
