Umm I'm too high to move.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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