I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
