Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We don't watch enough power rangers
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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