Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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