and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
