How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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