i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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