tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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