I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
