who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
