non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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