Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
