I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
3 2 1 whiskey
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
