I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
