Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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