"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize