How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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