Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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