My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
