that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You've changed since you got that strap on
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
