If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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