woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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