well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
