i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize