I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
