omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
