dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
