I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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