We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
