why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
