I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
