Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
