Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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