So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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