you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
