We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize