Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize