Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
