At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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