Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Randomize
