A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
