i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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