I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
