it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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