Buhtt sex?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
