you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
