Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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