Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
