remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
