I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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