i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is Oprah even human
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
