If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
