so explain again why im purple
no
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
