My nipple is on Facebook.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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