I'm jealous of your bromance
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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