i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
