my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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