forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Michael Bay diarrhea
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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