I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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