I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
