I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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