we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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