we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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