my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
