At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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