So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
