i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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