No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
