Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize