im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
